god money, i'll do anything for you

I don't know if it's an Autumn ritual for me or if I'm learning to listen more to my soul speak through my intuition lately or if it's just that I have a major case of the wantsies lately that's making me go on the offensive against all these things.

There are so many different sources of financial input in my life. First, there's the everpresent role model of my grandparents. They started with nothing, absolutely nothing, and made their way up up up the financial ladder to be some of the wealthiest people I know personally. They played the 20th century banking game for sure, and looking at their portfolio today, I'd say they won. I don't think the 21st century banking game offers the same prizes. I don't even think it has the same rulebook. And I don't think I want to work the 40-hour+ week that my grandma did to score that late-life prize. So although the rest of the country would likely call my grandparents' financial life a success, it's not an appropriate role model for me.

Other inputs come from research, from the Bible, from my own intuition, and from my own comfort level with varying amounts of debt and savings.

Here are some random inputs that play through my mind regularly:

"It is easier to fit a camel through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"He who knows he has enough, is rich."

"The Federal Reserve is a private corporation."

"Pay yourself first."

And then of course, there are the subconscious inputs from all the advertising I take in daily. If I took the commercials' word for it, I'd believe that we were the last remaining family without a big flat-screen TV. I am so unbelievably grateful (as is my wallet) that I have friends who are TV-free and not constantly seeking the newest electronic gadget. Although there are still lots of things that even the most vehement TV-critic can spend money on. Organic cotton onesies, Robeez shoes, Hanna Anderssen clothes, raw honey, free-range everything, gluten-free this and dairy-free that, supplements and oils and shampoos without chemicals, recycled toilet paper, all natural dog food. Sometimes I think the natural-minded market is easier to milk money from than the standard American sap. And the beat goes on.

"You adjust your spending to your income, every time."

It's true. When we made $30,000 a year, we spent $30,000 a year. When we made $50,000, we spent $50,000. My quality of life didn't feel that much different. We still had the same lack of extra money because what really increased wasn't our free cash, it was our bills. It was amount we were beholden to creditors and service providers each month.

And did my giving go up? Did I actually achieve my goal of 10% giving once we increased our salary? Was I able to go to church and actually NOT feel guilty when the bag came by after we hit the $50,000/year mark?

Nope.

My year-to-date giving this year has been $40. That's right. $40. Ouch.

I mean, it's understandable, right? We're building this house and we have so many unexpected out-of-pocket expenses coming out all the time. And my pregnancy! Don't forget about all those supplements I'm buying. And how I have to eat so much more protein. And how I'm so tired. You know, after the house is built and after my pregnancy is over and after I'm living farther out and not running around spending so much gas all the time and after we can grow more of our own food, you know, that's when I'll give. That's when.

I've finally had to face the fact that my lack of giving isn't due to life circumstances; it's due to greed. After all those obligations are done that are sucking away our giving money right now, there will be animals we want to get and a wood stove to purchase and this and that and that and this, all of which will make our life easier and give us more in the end.

"It takes money to make money."

Right? Right? This is "conventional wisdom", folks. This is what Chase and Bank of America and Capital One live and die on. If I believe that all I need is more money and then I can do anything I've ever wanted and be wildly successful and above all, happy, then they live. If I choose not to believe it, then they die.

Let's look at some truth again:

"You adjust your spending to your income, every time."

Does this mean that if I make 10% less, I will adjust my spending to match it? Yes. Does this mean that if I make the same amount, but give away 10% to things that matter, that I will adjust my spending to match my adjusted income? Yes. Does that mean that if I want to reach my 10% goal, I need to give first and adjust my spending afterwards? Yes, yes, yes!

What would happen if I spent 10% less on every new purchase? Here's what I suspect would happen: I would use the creativity that God has given me along with the skills I've acquired and new ones I'd like to learn to not even notice the missing 10%. I also think that my life would be richer for it...richer in the ways that matter, that is.

What would happen if I decided not to save 10%, or if I decided not to save much of anything? What if, instead of hoarding my money in different accounts, I put that money into real assets that were useful to us and provided for our needs? Then what if I decided to stop after we'd provided for our needs for food, shelter, health, community and some form of entertainment? Then, what if, instead of saving any surplus, I gave it away? What would that be like?

It sounds so scary, but is it? Would it be? I think it would be scary if we still had a lot of debt. But if we were able to eliminate our debt? Then would it be scary? Or would it be freeing?

Would I feel more freedom in not being able to run out & buy whatever I'm thinking about, to not be able to give into a case of the wantsies?

I know that I like to do something to provide for my family. I definitely provide love and comfort to my children, but I like to be able to provide some material things, too. I don't want Jeff to have to do everything on his own.

I was pleased to find such a wealth of information in my freebies sites, listed on the right side of this blog here under "Deals and Steals." For awhile, I toyed with using them to their full advantage. I checked in on them daily and made a detailed calendar of the deadlines of all my deals and coupons and rebates so I wouldn't forget them. This took a lot of time, but since it was the only thing I could contribute back then, I dealt with it. I thought I would enjoy it. I was, after all, taking advantage of the very corporations that are always trying to take advantage of me. I was outsmarting them. I was winning.

But within just a few weeks time, I started to feel a little sick on the inside. I couldn't put my finger on it. It's the same feeling Facebook is giving me right now. It makes me feel a little off-center, a little unhealthy, a little wrong, even though I'm not sure exactly why.

Finally it clicked for me one day when I drove to 3 different stores to find the Sunday paper with its coupons still intact, came up empty-handed, and spent a good hour in a bad mood about it. I went grocery shopping that week anyway, of course, without cutting any coupons, without organizing a darn thing. I just made a short list and went to a few stores that had good prices on my list. And I ended up spending just shy of $50 for our whole week's groceries. I was able to patronize a few independents: our local health food store (where I hit the 50% off rack), the Mexican grocery store (which always puts me thinking in Spanish by the time I leave), and our local poultry farm (where we learned the back story of our favorite dog there). I also filled in some edges at Aldi and only had to out of pocket less than $50. On the other hand, I could have traipsed around Kroger with its irritating habit of finding just those 80's songs that should have been buried forever in a one-hit-wonder-why coffin, dug through all my coupons, carefully comparing prices and coupons and ingredients and ounces, pushed past all those other annoyed shoppers with their scowling faces, spent almost double for the same amount of food even with my coupons, then gotten sick a day later from whatever snotty-nose-wiping hand had pushed my cart around before me.

I was spending so much of my time and so many of my thoughts on how to get things for cheaper. Deals! Steals! Everyone loves a deal, even more a steal, but really, I wasn't outsmarting anyone (or anything). The corporations had managed to actually make me feel more in need of their needless things than I had before. The things suddenly had even more value because I had gotten them for free! It was the same focus on wanting that I had tried so hard to ditch in the past, but now I'd given it an open door to come on back in, because I could want and desire the things all I wanted and since I didn't have to spend (much) money on them, I didn't have to feel guilty.

What if I just gave that not (much) money away? What would that be like? What if I didn't give the corporations my money or my focus? What if I didn't give them my desire at all? What would that be like?

What would it be like to be more of a financial sieve than a financial safe?

I have a little income now -- just a little. I'm giving a straight 10% off the top. It's my income, so I don't have to make it a joint decision, which makes it easier to start giving. I'm looking at every new purchase with a new eye, as I ask myself how I can do with something that costs 10% less than that potential purchase.

I'm also limiting my deals and steals hunting to once or twice a week. They can be useful, especially for having backups of different products in the house through samples or for stocking a gift closet so that I don't have to run out at the drop of a hat. Some people in our life still don't recognize love in a handmade gift, unfortunately.

"Let go of your worldly attachments."

If I had to choose, I'd always choose creativity, intelligence and talents over money. 10 times out of 10. If our bank accounts become a sieve and cease to grow, will creativity, intelligence and talents grow in their place? I suspect so.