jumping the gun

OK, I am so jumping the gun here, and I so need to reign myself in. I have somehow decided that I am pregnant. Not "might be," not "could be," but am pregnant. And it gets worse. Somehow Jeff has decided that I am pregnant, too. Not only that, but he's decided that it's a boy.

I really wish I hadn't let my brain get set on this idea.

We have gone so far as to talk about how we would accomodate children of different genders (buy a new house? expand our house?). We have divvied up hypothetical housework three months in advance (to cover the first trimester). In fact, last night I asked Sassy, "Would you like to have a baby brother or sister?" She nodded. "Yes....I want a baby brother," she said.

I thought about testing today. AF is not due until Tuesday. It seems to be all I can think about right now! Menopause is going to be a freaking relief, I tell you, when all this waiting will be a thing of the past.

I've also gone far enough down the path of surely-pregnant to start the worrying process. Did I mess up the baby by having five or six drinks since I got that positive ovulation test? Did I give the baby permanent neurological damage by using the homemade laundry detergent recipe I made which includes Borax, a known pesticide! Is the baby screwed to begin with because Jeff has been working with all those chemicals for so many years now?

I've berated Jeff over his dream of me with a baby sometime next year for every single detail. Why did you think it was a boy? Was I happy? Did I look stressed out? Was I handling it okay? I can't wait until he gets home tonight so I can ask him if the baby had any deformities.

I'm already thinking about where I want to give birth (someone stop me please!) and whether I want to find out the gender before or be surprised.

I want to let this go, but I'm stuck at home all by myself today, and I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to think about it. Because I have so much more to figure out! I haven't even started on names for this mythical child yet....