spoil the child

Everyone knows the expression "Spare the rod, spoil the child." Most people think this phrase is a direct quote from the Bible (usually assumed to be from the book of Proverbs in the Old Testament). Unfortunately, this assumption leads many Christians to follow this advice rather than to follow the example of Jesus Christ. But, did you know, that this phrase does not even appear in the Bible at all? If you're skeptical, I encourage you to try to actually find it in your family's Bible. This phrase comes from Hudibras, a poem written in the 17th Century by Samuel Butler in his attempt to mock the lifestyle it respresented.

“Love is a boy, by poets styled,
Then spare the rod, and spoil the child.”

This post already details my feelings on the "Spare the rod" part. But, let's talk about the spoiling part.

Another wise mama posted on my local AP board today this thought:

Just as bananas sitting on a shelf will spoil if left alone, children will spoil from neglect and NOT from nurturing.

Spoiled means something goes bad from lack of attention.

How many of us who have held our babies throughout their entire first year have heard the admonishments about spoiling? Instinct always held out in those early years (much easier to trust your instinct in the baby years than in the toddler years, IMO), but the "advice" nevertheless annoyed me. I wish that I had had that little quip.

Dr. Sears also addresses spoiling in this article. He writes:

Spoiling happens when a child is put on the shelf, left alone, forgotten about--the way that food spoils...

...Pick them up quickly and they'll get down quickly. Or, as one sensitive mother of a well-attached child said proudly, "He's not spoiled; he's perfectly fresh!" Spoiling does become an issue a few years from now, when overindulgence or permissiveness signals a parent's inability to set limits and provide boundaries. This happens most often in children who are materially bonded or whose parents are still trapped in dysfunctional patterns from their own childhood.

Did you catch that? Because it bears repeating.

This happens most often in children who are materially bonded or whose parents are still trapped in dysfunctional patterns from their own childhood.

Don't think for a second that this isn't exactly what we're seeing in our consumer-hyper, indulgent, impulsive, over-marketed culture where step-families are the rule and child-rearing "experts" have warned us against comforting our babies. I would expect nothing less.