what saddens me

We were driving to our preschool (or "house-school" as Sassy calls it) and I remembered my midwife saying that children can recall their births up until age 3.5 or 4. So I decided to ask Sassy about her birth, just to see if she remembered.

Me: Do you remember when you were born?
Sassy: No...no I don't.
Me: You don't remember the doctors & nurses & the hospital?
Sassy: No...
Me: Do you remember when you came out of Mommy's belly?
Sassy: Yes, I remember that!
Me: How did you like coming out of Mommy's belly? Were you happy or sad?
Sassy: I was sad.
Me: Why were you sad?
Sassy: I was sad because I didn't know where you was. I came out of your belly and I was borned and then you disappeared!

I went on to tell her how sad I was that I didn't get to hold her when she was born. I told her how they just kept stitching & stitching and all I wanted to do was hold her. And I told her how that day, I had to stay in bed all day and all night. And how her Daddy held her and Nana and Papaw and Grandma & Grandpa P. and Grandpa N. and the whole time Mommy wanted to hold her but I couldn't because I had to stay in bed. And how everybody else wanted to hold her because they loved her so much, but that they sort of forgot about Mommy and how much I wanted to hold her. And how Daddy went home that night because he had to take care of Lucy and so she had to go the nursery. And how I stayed up ALL NIGHT and didn't sleep a wink so that I could come get her as soon as they'd let me move at 5:04 the next morning.

I didn't tell her about how I called for the nurse at exactly 5:04 to take the stupid catheter out and how she moseyed on down around 5:30. Nor how I got up and had to prove I could pee before she'd let me walk. Nor how I paced the halls up and down regaining my strength as quickly as possible. Nor how I showed up at the nursery door at 6:00 a.m. asking for her, and they told me, "Oh, I'm sorry, we were just about to do the heel test...you'll have to wait." Nor how I paced the halls waiting for them to be done, listening to the babies cry, and not knowing if the cry I was hearing was her or not, until it was too much emotion and I had to go back and sit in my room, fidgeting and simmering until they finally brought her to me two hours later.

Nor how when she told me about her birth, I just wanted to cry, because I know how terrified she would be spending 8 or 9 hours with strangers at 3 years old, and I can't believe I thought it was satisfactory when she was not even yet 24 hours.