my inhospitable womb

So why the talk of "infertility" when you've already had a baby?....you might ask.
Why turn your back on Western medicine when in vitro or fertility pills might help you?
What's the history here?

My husband, Jeff, and I met in November of 2000. We were both 28. We both knew we would one day be married, and we did not use any form of birth control since the start of our relationship. We did not conceive for 2 years (incidentally, a month after we married). There could be many reasons for this, and we still aren't sure what finally worked. But here are some of our theories:

* I have had Tourette's Syndrome since I was 9 years old and I have been on medicine since I was 18 which is purported to stop ovulation (this might explain why I never got pregnant like so many of my young friends did, even though I was no more careful). Nine months prior to conception, I began taking my medicine infrequently, on an as-needed basis.

* When we conceived Sassyfrass, we used a device called The Donna. This allowed us to pinpoint my ovulation, which did happen that month, and voila! 37 weeks later, a baby.

We had Sassy in early 2003. I didn't nurse her (big regrets followed, but that's for another post), so I started back on regular cycles within a few months. Again, we have never used birth control. This month marked the 37th unsuccessful cycle in a row.

So why natural medicine? Well, first I'm fortunate enough to have a wonderful and extremely knowledgeable naturopath in my area who--get this--has direct experience with treating Tourette's Syndrome without the use of medicine in one of her own children. Like I said, the Tourette's medicine probably stops ovulation, so I need to find a way to get along without it.

Also, and this is a big one, I don't like being poked and prodded anywhere close to the reproductive area. Am I alone in this? Am I the only one who sees research about 3-year pap smears instead of yearly exams and says, "Sign me up!" Am I the only one who thinks a speculum looks a lot more like a torture device than I'm comfortable with? Why don't more women talk about this?

At any rate, having doctors putting on their white latex gloves and poking around down there trying to figure out what's wrong or running any kind of tests that require me to put my feet in stirrups did not sound like lengths I was willing to go to--at least not without trying less invasive options first.

So with the 37th consecutive unsuccessful cycle passing, I'm beginning a new journey of trying to heal my body from the inside out and trying to get my inhospitable womb to function the way it was designed to. And I'm going to document every step, in hopes that someone else whose body is not cooperating might have a(nother) little grape.